


Five times Jimmy called Castiel out and one time Castiel actually listened

by EstelUndomiel (capn_cecil_ang)



Series: Destiel 'spur of inspiration' one-shots [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel & Vessel Interactions (Supernatural), Angel Feels (Supernatural), Auras, Developing Friendships, Gen, Jimmy & Castiel psychic connection, M/M, Season 4 Castiel, Telepathy, implied feelings for each other, implied future relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capn_cecil_ang/pseuds/EstelUndomiel
Summary: Although they got off to a rocky start, Castiel slowly grew fond of Jimmy, even relied on him for advice. And it's times like these when he wished Jimmy was still around, to help him make sense of these confusing emotions.
Relationships: Castiel & Jimmy Novak (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester (implied) - Relationship
Series: Destiel 'spur of inspiration' one-shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679482
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	Five times Jimmy called Castiel out and one time Castiel actually listened

**Author's Note:**

> This one is probably going to be the most different from all the others. It's definitely a bit of an experiment on my part. But the whole time during S04 I was thinking: "What if Jimmy could communicate with Cas while Cas was occupying his body?"  
> It's definitely more about Jimmy's & Castiel's developing friendship than about Dean's and Cas' relationship, but the feelings are there, though only forming, not quite realized. 
> 
> Also, the convo between Cas and Anna in part three is pulled directly from the show, so I'm not taking any credit for that.
> 
> Endnotes are the explanation for aura colors.
> 
> Enjoy (:

PROLOGUE

Jimmy Novak was never fond of roller-coasters. In fact, he never even tried one. It wasn't because of a missed opportunity or the fear of heights. It wasn't even because of the fear of speed. Fear wasn't the factor that made him distaste these adrenaline-filled so-called fun rides. Jimmy simply didn't need them in his life. Other people might have felt more alive when they were tossed in every direction imaginable. Or when they felt like throwing up their insides every few seconds. Maybe even when they felt like their hearts were about to jump out of their chest with every beat. But not Jimmy. He didn't need this kind of fun in his life to make it feel worthwhile. 

Jimmy liked his life the way it was. He loved his wife very much, and the same could be said about his daughter. A simple idyllic God devoted life was what he always strived for. And Jimmy wouldn't change that for anything. And yet, here he was, far away from his family, riding the world's worst roller-coaster. But how could he say no, when an angel of the Lord asked him for help? 

FIRST

Here he was again. Dragged to yet another town, he had a faint knowledge of existing. To fight yet another fight that seemed to be lost beforehand. Jimmy has been aching, bleeding, and put back together countless times in the last couple of weeks. And the end of it seemed to be nowhere near. 

A split of a second and the feathers whistled again, dragging him to another place. In half of a heartbeat, Jimmy was now standing in the dirty kitchen of some shabby old house.

_"Oh, so you_ can _do it,"_ a thought escaped Jimmy's exhausted mind, making its way towards Castiel's consciousness. 

_"What do you mean?"_ Castiel sent back a thought, a slight confusion oozing from angel's grace. Jimmy's (or Castiel's) eyes watched two lumps lying on a nearby room's floor. An area that could only be described as an attempt to make a living room out of an old, abandoned library. 

_"You can walk into the room without blowing all the lights out."_ Jimmy elaborated, a slight amusement on his part. 

At least he wasn't just a sleeping agent, not knowing what was happening with his body. The ability to communicate with the angel currently occupying his body was definitely a plus side of the situation. Although there were certain times, Jimmy wished to stay in blissful ignorance. 

_"I don't understand—,"_ Castiel started, a slight annoyance spreading through his grace. 

But Jimmy quickly clarified. _"I'm talking about the barn, Castiel. When you met Dean Winchester in person for the first time. Were you... by any chance... showing off a bit?"_

_"Of course not,"_ Castiel sent out another thought, a tone of it too quick and defiant.

_"I see,"_ Jimmy mused. _"You know, I might have not said yes if I knew you were such a drama queen."_

As the duo sharing a body silently conversed together, the lump that was Dean Winchester moved and woke up. When he noticed an angel standing in the kitchen, he sighed in annoyance and stood up to make his way towards him. 

_"He needed to listen,"_ Castiel replied to Jimmy's accusation.

And Jimmy was about to reply when he noticed a strange thing about the body still sleeping on the floor. Ever since Castiel occupied Jimmy's body, the way he saw things changed. Jimmy could now see auras of people around him. And Sam Winchester's aura caused his thoughts to halt. A deep purple was surrounding Sam, a shade that could keep one spellbound just by looking at it. But after a closer inspection, one could notice dark black threads mixing with the lighter color. A looming threat crept into Jimmy's heart at sight. Still, before it could settle inside him, Castiel's grace reached towards him, coaxing him into stillness. Jimmy wanted to protest, to say something in defense. But Castiel's grace pushed further, its energy changing from comforting to commanding. 

_"All due time,"_ Castiel said without words. _"He'll know when it's time for him to know. We have different concerns now."_

And so Jimmy pulled back, knowing well when it was futile to try and argue with an angel of the Lord. He settled and watched as Dean Winchester begrudgingly made his way towards the angel in the trench coat. Tension rose in Jimmy's chest as the hunter closed in. And at that moment, he wasn't sure whether that feeling belonged to him or Castiel. Dean's rich red aura moved with him, forming around him like a protective shield. As he moved closer, Jimmy noticed the fog like mass was murkier, darker even, than it was back in the barn. And the more Dean and Castiel talked, the darker it became. _He's angry_ , Jimmy thought and continued to watch the scene in front of him. Silently he listened to Castiel describe to Dean what he has just witnessed himself. Countless other angels dying on the field of what couldn't be called otherwise but war. A hopeless fight against the unimaginable evil that only one man could stop. 

_"Do you really believe it?"_ Jimmy thought, considering the question to be more rhetoric as factual. And still, Castiel replied to him, without breaking the flow of conversation with Dean. 

_"I have faith."_

Jimmy fell silent after that again, watching Dean's aura changing in front of his eyes. Ever since he lent his body to Castiel, Jimmy's own faith started to dwindle. Castiel gave him a lot of insight. About the world, humans, Heaven, and Hell. And he found it hard to believe that one mere human could stop Hell from breaking loose. Wondering what would need to happen for Castiel's own faith to weaken, Jimmy continued to watch the conversation in front of him. No matter what Castiel said, Dean always had a witty come back, a comment to snap back at him. He was stubborn, still defiant. And the tension in Jimmy's chest increased.

_"Seems like he's not listening. Maybe you should blow up some lights,"_ Jimmy teased, in an attempt to ease the angel's stiffness. But his attempt fell on deaf ears when a strong wave of threat flew through Castiel's grace.

_"Enough!"_ Castiel sent a strong thought towards Jimmy that took him by surprise. _"I am thankful to you for letting me borrow your body. But do not presume to think that gives you any authority to have a say in this situation. You're just a vessel, Jimmy, nothing more."_

And even if Jimmy wanted to say anything else, he didn't have the chance. Because right after, Castiel concluded the conversation with Dean. And in a blink of an eye, Jimmy soared through the air once again, flying to the lands unknown.

SECOND

The tension in the barn was unbearable for him. Jimmy could feel that Castiel was conflicted. He knew Anna for a long time, after all. Uriel, on the other hand, seemed almost bored. He wanted this to be over already. But not Castiel. Castiel wasn't sure about the orders they were given. And even though five of them were in that barn, Castiel's eyes were firmly glued to Anna and Dean. 

"I forgive you," Anna said to Dean as their lips parted, their faces still inches apart. "You did the best you could."

At that exact moment, something changed. A shift appeared in Castiel's grace, almost as if something tugged at it. And Castiel wasn't able to hold his unwavering gaze anymore. He looked to the ground, away from the three figures in front of him.

_"What was that?"_ Jimmy asked, a slight confusion on his side.

_"Nothing,"_ Castiel replied immediately, communicating with his host in silence.

_"That wasn't nothing,"_ Jimmy insisted. _"Did you just... feel something?"_

Anna stepped away from Winchesters and towards the two angels, ready to be taken away. At least that's what she claimed; that she was ready. But was anyone ever prepared for death? Castiel's eyes met with Anna's, the tugging feeling appearing once again.

_"There. It happened again,"_ Jimmy suggested, resolute in his opinion. He didn't like this situation at all. He knew angels were soldiers, and he knew there was a chain of command. But still, killing someone for leaving seemed a bit much to him. 

_"I can assure you, I do not feel."_ Castiel riposted. _"I am an angel. Angels do not experience human emotions."_

Then he turned his attention towards Anna and said out loud: "I'm sorry."

As if to accentuate Castiel's claim, Anna replied: "No. You're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling."

"Still, we have a history," Castiel said. "It's just—"

"Orders are orders." Anna finished. "I know. Just make it quick."

This, right here, was one of those moments Jimmy wished he didn't need to witness. Seeing something wrong happening and knowing he couldn't do anything about it was the most challenging part of letting an angel occupy his body.

_"You sure angels don't feel?"_ Jimmy asked, a certain bitterness in his voice. _"Or they just make you believe that, so you'd fall in line?"_

_"Stop,"_ Castiel countered, trying to push Jimmy's consciousness into the background. But something was stopping him. His grace was in turmoil, and he wasn't sure whether the orders were right anymore.

_"You don't have to do it, Castiel."_ Jimmy sounded, almost as some sort of the angel's conscience.

_"Stop it."_ Castiel insisted. _"I told you already, stay out of these things."_

But before their muted quarrel could continue, Alastair appeared with two demons in his tow, turning the whole situation around. 

THIRD

Alastair's screams were echoing from the other room. The decision he had to make was leaving a bad taste in Castiel's mouth. But orders were orders, and this was a means to an end. He wished Anna could see his point of view. But his sister was adamant in her ways, insisting on her opinion. 

"What you're feeling? It's called doubt," she said, taking a step closer to him, invading his personal space. Castiel averted his eyes, struggling to keep Anna's intruding words at bay. She might have been right. He might have been doubtful about this. But the wheel was turning, and there was no way of stopping it. Another one of Alastair's screams carried to them, emphasizing Anna's stand. 

"These orders are wrong, and you know it," she said, touching his hand. "But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas. I was too. But together, we can still—"

"Together?" Castiel snapped, yanking his hand away from hers. His grace swirled violently, anger and confusion mixing together. "I am nothing like you," he snarled, stepping away from Anna. Just the sight of her made him sick. She was the opposite of everything he stood for. She was everything he didn't want to be.

"You fell." he spat out, the words tasting like profanity on his lips. "Go." Castiel finished, turning his back towards Anna.

"Cas," she tried again, holding her ground.

"Go," he repeated, turning towards Anna with a deadly glare. In a blink of an eye, she disappeared. A scream from the other room accompanied her departure, leaving Castiel alone in the iron room. 

He stood there for a while, listening to the commotion next door, pushing his restless thoughts away. But he was tired of trying to repress the notions that were creeping into his mind. Tired of trying to downgrade them. Anna was right about one thing. He _was_ confused. And afraid. But there was also different emotion creeping under his skin. And this emotion was addressed by Jimmy's voice saying: _"You're annoyed."_

He was quiet until now. Castiel could feel him fidgeting in the back of his head. He didn't like the idea of Dean torturing Alastair any more than Castiel did. But he didn't say anything about it. Just took a back seat and was quiet until now. 

_"I can assure you I am not annoyed. I do not experience—"_

_"Emotions, sure. I know."_ Jimmy finished. _"Except that you do, Castiel. Don't forget this connection of ours goes both ways."_

_"It is not important."_ Castiel tried to wave Jimmy off, but the other guy wasn't budging.

_"It's something to do with Anna, doesn't it? This... spark of annoyance built up in you, every time she called you Cas."_

_"I just... do not like it,"_ Castiel replied, giving up the idea of a quick resolution to this. _"For millenniums, my brothers and sisters called me Castiel. And now... all of a sudden,"_ he sighed, shaking his head, _"everyone calls me Cas. It's... annoying."_

Jimmy fell quiet for quite a while, Castiel sensing he was trying to recall specific moments from his mind. He frowned a bit, confused at what Jimmy was doing.

_"What are you searching for?"_ Castiel asked.

_"Just... making sure of something,"_ Jimmy replied. After a moment, when he was satisfied with what he recalled, Jimmy continued: _"So, it seems you don't mind when Dean Winchester calls you Cas."_

_"Dean's different,"_ Castiel said, his eyes locked on the door behind which Dean was doing what he swore he wouldn't do anymore. Seldom grunts and laughter could be heard from the other side, making Castiel's stomach turn in knots. _"Uriel, Anna... they call me that only when they're trying to undermine me, mock me... or manipulate me."_ Anna's plea was still ringing in Castiel's mind, reminding him of the way she was trying to persuade him, any way possible. _"Dean doesn't,"_ he added.

A gentle wave of sympathy from Jimmy washed over Castiel's grace. It was not much to ease his mind, but he appreciated the effort. And for a moment, he wished the situation was different. That he could do the work he needed to do without tearing Jimmy away from his life and family. But there was no other way, and the situation was dire. 

A sudden clank from the other room tore Castiel from his thoughts, alerting him. He transported to the door, looking into the room through the glass. His worst expectations were confirmed when he saw Alastair out of the chains, strangling Dean against the iron trap. At that moment, all Castiel's doubts and questions were set aside, as he marched into the room with one goal in mind. To save Dean Winchester. 

FOURTH

If Jimmy had to pick the best part of being used as a personal airplane by an angel, he would choose the moments when Castiel visited his favorite Heaven. It was an eternal Tuesday afternoon of an autistic man who drowned in a bathtub in 1953. And although Jimmy hadn't seen any other Heaven's, he really liked this one. It wasn't about how it looked, though, but about how it felt. It was serene, lush green meadow everywhere an eye could see. And it felt like the only time when he could take a break from Heaven's politics. The only time he didn't feel like his heart was going to give out by the sheer amount of intensity Castiel represented. And so Jimmy was glad Castiel visited this place often, although he suspected not many angels had a similar habit. If there was something he learned in the months he was Castiel's vessel, it was that Castiel wasn't like the other angels. Many thoughts and questions were swirling in Castiel's head. And even though he tried, he wasn't able to hide all of them. And sometimes, Jimmy liked to think he wasn't even trying to. From some point, Castiel came to rely on his opinion or advice, forming a specific bond with him. And Jimmy also grew fond of the angel possessing him, liking the relationship they developed. 

But lately, Jimmy noticed something shifted. New orders were given to Castiel, ones he wasn't so eager to share with him. Castiel tried to shut himself away completely from Jimmy. And mostly, he succeeded. But although trying his hardest, a fragment of a thought or a scrap of a feeling seeped through the thick curtain of Castiel's consciousness here and there. So even now, when they were in the garden, Jimmy couldn't quite relax the way he used to before.

_"What are you hiding from me, Castiel?"_ Jimmy asked, not pacing around. 

Castiel's thoughts shifted, a curtain quivered. _"It does not matter."_

_"Well, I think it does. Otherwise, you wouldn't be hiding it."_ Jimmy insisted.

Castiel was quiet for a long time, watching a kite flying in the clear blue sky. Then he sent one clear thought towards Jimmy.

_"What do you think of Dean Winchester?"_

Jimmy was taken aback; the question surprised him. 

_"Well, I'm not sure."_ He said truthfully. After all, he only knew the guy through Castiel's interactions with him. _"He seems like a decent guy. You know, not afraid to take a stand, not when it really matters."_

_"Yes."_ Castiel agreed. _"That is correct."_

_"Why are you asking me about Dean?"_ Jimmy inquired, curious to know where this was heading.

_"Sometimes I wonder,"_ Castiel started, his eyes not leaving the kite in the sky, _"whether humans are better than us."_

_"Cas,"_ Jimmy sent out a worrying thought. _"Are you alright?"_

_"I have a confession to make, Jimmy,"_ Castiel replied, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. _"I don't think I would be able to do it. To take a stand... when it would really matter."_

Jimmy's mind tensed, and this time Castiel didn't make a move to calm him down with his grace. Whether he was too tired or too distracted, Jimmy didn't know. But it sent a wave of concern through him. 

_"What is it, you're not telling me?"_ he asked, afraid of the answer. It must have been something huge.

_"I can't,"_ Castiel replied. _"I'm sorry."_

_"Then tell him,"_ Jimmy suggested. _"He is the one who could do something about it, isn't he?"_

_"No,"_ a relentless wave of rejection flew over Jimmy.

But Jimmy wasn't going to back away. Not this time. This felt massive, important. If he backed out now, he would have it on his conscience forever. 

_"No,"_ Jimmy repeated Castiel's words. _"_ You tell him. _And you tell him now, Castiel._ Once _you told me you have faith in him. I know you still do. And I know you feel, Castiel. It's scary and complicated, but it is what it is. So if you don't or can't believe in yourself,_ believe in him _."_

Silence spread between them. Jimmy didn't know how long they were standing there, on a meadow on the sunny Tuesday afternoon, Castiel hiding his thoughts from him, hiding the ugly truth that awaited. But then, a moment passed, and Jimmy realized he was now looking at the sunny lake, surrounded by trees. Dean was sitting on the folding chair, fishing contently. He seemed calm, peaceful, something that Jimmy hasn't noticed on the hunter yet. But he knew that peacefulness won't last long. Not after Castiel will interrupt this serene dream.

"We need to talk," Castiel said, and Jimmy listened with anticipation, waiting for how the situation will progress. 

FIFTH

The next few weeks were not like the ones before. Even now, sitting in the lush green garden, Jimmy couldn't find himself relaxing. And it was not only because he kept hearing Dean's voice in his head, calling out to Castiel. Dean's voice was hoarse now, calling for hours on end. But he was not giving up.

On the other hand, Castiel seemed to shut him off, just like he did with Jimmy. After the events with Jimmy's family, after Heaven took Castiel back, he came back cold, distant. But it didn't bother Jimmy much. He didn't want to talk to Castiel anyway, even if he could. Memories of his family almost dying because of him were still fresh in his mind. And he couldn't yet forgive the angel. Nor was he sure, if he ever will. All the hope he had before of seeing his family again was now lost. He knew now that this existence was for a long haul. And he could only guess, whether he will have to live like an angel's appendix for the rest of eternity, or whether he'll die first. 

But the worst part of this was that he felt like he made a mistake. When he said yes to Castiel, he wanted to help God with a higher purpose. He wished to help save the Earth. But the longer he spent in Castiel's head and the longer he witnessed the events laid in front of him, the less he believed the angels were on the right side.

_"I'm sorry you see it this way,"_ Castiel's voice sounded in his head out of nowhere, pulling him back from his thoughts.

Jimmy didn't say anything. He still wasn't sure whether he wanted to speak to Castiel yet.

_"And... I'm sorry... for what happened to your family."_

_"Sorry won't cut it, Castiel,"_ Jimmy found himself responding before he could think it through. _"You promised they'd be safe."_

_"I know,"_ Castiel started, but Jimmy felt the indecisiveness straining his grace. He was confused. But there was another feeling, a stronger one, that overpowered the confusion. It was guilt. And that made Jimmy feel a little bit sorry for him. 

_"What did they do to you when they dragged you back here?"_ he asked, concerned.

A wave of fear and disgust flew over Castiel's grace. _"It's... not of import."_

_"So, you're doing it, huh? Whatever grand plan Heaven prepared."_ Jimmy said, his tone a bit mocking.

_"You don't understand, Jimmy. It's...."_

_"Shut it,"_ Jimmy snapped at him. A flash of surprise washed over him when he felt Castiel's grace coiling back. Encouraged by this development, Jimmy continued. _"Don't give me this 'it's for higher purpose' bullshit. It's crap, and you know it."_

_"I thought you were a devout man,"_ Castiel interjected, and Jimmy would laugh if his body wasn't controlled by another being.

_"Yeah, I am,"_ he responded. _"But I also came to realize some things lately."_

_"Things like?"_

_"Things like that angels can be real douchebags sometimes."_ Jimmy teased a little, still feeling pretty irked. _"And Heaven isn't such a happy and simple place as I thought it was,"_ he added. 

_"It could be,"_ Castiel said, sadness in his tone. 

_"Right. When you accomplish your mysterious grand plan, isn't it?"_

A wave of anger returned to Castiel's grace, pushing back against Jimmy's side of the mind. _"If you had to make a choice,"_ Castiel sent a thought, the tone of it dominating. _"If it was your family in danger, wouldn't you do everything to protect them? Wouldn't you want them to live in paradise?"_

Jimmy took a moment before replying, trying to muster enough strength to push against Castiel's grace. The angel might have been controlling his body, but his mind was still his own. And he was still able to stand his ground.

_"Not if it involved hurting other people,"_ he replied, pushing back against Castiel's grace to let him know this conversation was over. _"Now go to Dean. Do what you must, if you're too afraid to stand up for yourself."_

And Castiel went. But not because Jimmy told him to. He went because he believed there was no other way.

SIXTH

They haven't spoken to each other for a few days. Actually, they haven't shared a single thought since their last conversation in the garden. Jimmy resigned to reason with Castiel after seeing him letting Sam out of Bobby's panic room. He still wasn't sure why the angel chose to show him that moment. Maybe Castiel was hoping Jimmy would stop him. But he was too tired and disillusioned to do anything but watch how the situation will unfold. 

He knew the plan now. The big plan that angels were brewing all this time. And he hated it. He hated the angels for even considering it. Where were the angels that were supposed to protect mankind? Where were the shepherds of the flock? All Jimmy saw were manipulative assholes, greedy for power. So he gave up on everything; on trying to make a change, trying to make Castiel see what's right and what's wrong, even on trying to communicate with him. 

Jimmy gave up on finding a purpose in this situation and let Dean take the rains. And he admired him, that even now, in the twelve-hour, Dean was still trying to bash some sense into Castiel's head. But Castiel's features left unvarying, same as his grace, as he listened to Dean's speech in the golden room. Although Jimmy could feel Castiel's grace trembling as if it was trying to contain something. Whether it was anger or something else, Jimmy didn't know. But he knew that Castiel was inclined to listen to Dean. But he was also given orders that were the exact opposite of what Dean was asking him to do. And then, when Dean turned his back to Castiel, telling him they were done, a distinct change in Castiel's grace happened. Jimmy was sure of it because it took him by surprise. It was the first time he felt a pure, rich emotion coming from Castiel. It was regret.

A beautiful golden room changed into a green garden, and Jimmy found himself in Heaven once again, along with Castiel. He was standing in the middle of the grass, looking up at the sky. Everything around him was peaceful—the exact opposite of what was inside him. Castiel's grace was trembling, emotions seeping through it almost uncontrollably. It took Jimmy a bit longer now to decipher the feelings. They weren't as straightforward as they were before. But they were definitely there. Hidden under the steadiness and calm exterior, the insides of Castiel started to wake up. And then, a thought was sent to Jimmy's mind.

_"Can I tell you something no one knows?"_ Castiel asked, the first thing he told him in days.

_"Of course."_ Jimmy agreed.

_"You... shouldn't be able to communicate with me. Some vessels, weaker ones, don't have this psychic connection with the angel who's occupying them."_

_"And the others?"_ Jimmy asked, not sure what to think of it.

_"Others can communicate, but we are under strict orders to shut any communication with humans we're possessing."_

_"You didn't comply,"_ Jimmy mused. _"Why?"_

_"I don't know,"_ Castiel admitted. _"Maybe I wanted to know you better. After all, I was assigned to watch humanity for a long time. Maybe I didn't want to just look from afar anymore."_

_"Well... and why are you telling me this now?"_

_"Because,"_ Castiel said, his grace reaching out to him, looking for guidance. _"I don't know what to do, Jimmy. And I need your advice. Please."_

Jimmy wanted to tell him what to do; he wanted to give him the right advice, the one that would save the world. But something was stopping him. It might have been his consciousness, or it might have been what Castiel said. He wanted to experience humanity, all of humanity. And making hard choices was definitely one of the main things humans did. 

And so, even if it meant washing his hands of the events that could happen, he said: _"I wish I could tell you what to do, Castiel. But that's the opposite of what you want. You need to make your own choice._ Decide _who you want to be."_

_"But, I'm not sure what's right or wrong anymore."_ Castiel protested, desperate urgency spreading through his grace. 

_"Is there something you're sure of?"_ Jimmy asked.

_"Yes,"_ Castiel said, a warm feeling replacing the desperation. It was a feeling Jimmy noticed before a few times. But it disappeared when the angels dragged Castiel to Heaven and tortured him. Almost as if they beat it out of him. But there it was again, spreading through Castiel's grace. And it finally made sense to Jimmy. The feeling appeared when Castiel was thinking about Dean Winchester. 

_"I'm sure that if someone can stop this, it's Dean,"_ Castiel said finally.

If Jimmy could control his body, he would smile. He grew to like Castiel during their time together. He might be a complicated guy, but his heart was in the right place.

_"You're still afraid,"_ Jimmy said.

_"I don't know what will happen tonight. We... might part ways if something will go wrong."_ That anxious urgency returned to Castiel's grace, the warm feeling stepping to the background.

In other words, one of them could die. Or maybe both. Jimmy felt it too. But he also felt like this would be worth dying for. This would put the right meaning to everything.

_"I'm fine with that,"_ Jimmy said. _"As long as I see you standing up for yourself, friend."_

Castiel smiled a little. _"I won't be standing up for myself, though. I'll be standing up for humanity."_

And at that moment, Jimmy knew that whatever would happen tonight, his soul and mind would be at peace.

EPILOGUE

It was one of those rare evenings when they could relax without having to worry about an ongoing case or the threat looming over their heads. Sam was out buying dinner. Dean and Castiel were sitting in the bunker's library, both contently reading. No words were spoken in a long time, both of them enjoying each other's company in silence. Dean was reading one of his favorite Vonnegut books, and Castiel was immersed in the book about angels. It was written by one of the Men of Letters, and it was full of discrepancies. But surprisingly to Castiel, he got a lot right. Castiel wondered where he got his information since he was sure no angels knew about this institution. The silent serenity was suddenly broke by Dean's voice.

"Cas, can I ask something?" 

Castiel looked up from his book and into Dean's eyes. They were calm, still, and his features were relaxed. His grace fluttered. It wasn't often he saw Dean this peaceful, and he hoped it would last long. He deserved a break from constant worrying about Sam and fighting evil monsters. 

"Of course," Castiel replied, awaiting the question Dean wanted to ask. 

"I probably should have asked this a long time ago, but... Uhm, is Jimmy still alive?"

Castiel felt a sharp ping close to his heart. Ever since he let himself feel, ever since he fell, his emotions were more intense. And Anna was right when she said it was only going to get worse. The good feelings were great; Castiel liked them. The bad ones, not so much. There was pain, sadness, anger even. But the most annoying ones were that which made him confused—the ones he didn't know how to categorize. Feelings like a dull pain whenever he knew the brothers were in danger, or a wave of relief when he saw they were healthy and alive. And even these feelings differed for each brother. 

The sense of relief for Sam was simple. Castiel was glad when Sam was alright, both because he considered him a friend and because he didn't want Dean to suffer if anything happened to him. But relief associated with Dean was different. It felt like a huge burden fell off his heart every time. As if something happened to Dean, Castiel would never get rid of that dull pain in his heart. And at first, he thought the feeling was present because of the bond he and Dean shared. Of course, he liked both brothers, but he couldn't deny that he and Dean had a stronger bond. But recently, Castiel wasn't so sure. And in these confusing times, he wished Jimmy was still around to answer his questions.

"No," he replied to Dean's question. "His soul moved on to Heaven after you and Sam stopped the Apocalypse all those years ago."

"Oh," Dean said, frowning slightly. "Well... that's good for him, I guess," he added, sipping from his beer. Then he glanced at his book again, almost as if he wanted to get back to it. But his eyes were restless, meeting with Castiel's again, another question on his lips.

"So... how did you get back his body, when... you know... Lucifer blew you up to pieces."

"That's a good question," Castiel said. "To which I still do not know the answer."

"Hm," Dean sipped from the beer again, deep in thought. "So... whenever you died," Dean started, his words sounding more strained than before, "you could have chosen a different vessel to come back?"

"Technically, yes." Castiel nodded.

"Why didn't you?" Dean inquired.

The question surprised him. Castiel never really thought about it before. And now he had to take a moment to do so.

"Well," he said eventually, "I am familiar with this form. And... I grew fond of this... identity."

A ghost of a smile flashed through Dean's face, his gaze lingering on Castiel. Then he cleared his throat and sipped from the beer bottle again. 

"Yeah, me too." he murmured almost inaudibly before he got back to reading. 

A comfortable silence spread through the room again as Castiel eyed Dean for another moment. The warm feeling spread throughout his grace as another thing added to his confusion. Castiel's eyes caught a change in Dean's aura, one that he never noticed before.

The red emission around Dean frequently changed in its darkness, usually reflecting the amount of anger the hunter was harboring at the time. But at this moment, a different color appeared altogether. One that Castiel never saw in Dean before. The redness drew back into the background, giving the warm and comforting pink emissions a place in front. And Castiel's eyes couldn't look aside, as surprise slowly turned into realization. 

**Author's Note:**

> VIOLET ( PURPLE ) aura represents wisdom, spirituality, ambition, psychic abilities (empaths). These individuals are dynamic, charismatic, and have powerful personalities. They have an inner and driving urge to do something important with their life. They are visionaries and have high ideals and hopes for the future. 
> 
> BLACK color represents death, evil, mystery, but also power, elegance, sophistication, or strength.
> 
> People with RED aura are fearless individuals with a good connection to the material world - they are passionate and unapologetic about experiencing dynamic and abundant adventures in life as a physical being. These people rarely deny themselves the pleasures of the physical plane. The saturation or brightness of a color in the aura can indicate different things. If the red in the aura is murky or dark, you may be holding on to anger, frustration, or trauma.
> 
> The color PINK represents tenderness, caring, emotionality, love.


End file.
